Tesco Christmas Delivery Slots

I just read this Berry McPaper-cuts - looks like you had a lucky escape.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11429319/Tesco-website-CRASHES-100-000-customers-join-queue-Christmas-delivery-slot.html

Just check and I placed my Ocado one on September 28. I'd forgotten about it.......

Don't stress about Christmas deliveries and food. Read this advice from a butcher.


😂Just in case anyone is stressing about Christmas Day..............! 😂

Here are my top tips

🎄Christmas Dinner....I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs.....It's a Sunday dinner for goodness sake!!! The only difference is that you are allowed to open a bottle of wine before you open the kitchen curtains. 🍷🍷🍷 We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we, the consumers, be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!

1. Turkey - it's a big chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer, £3 off the Internet, poke it in the offending bird - if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!👏🏼

2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions, breadcrumbs, pine nuts and a shit load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....(no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!). What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up then squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking.

3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one as well.... Bisto, Jamie, all you need is Bisto! Neither I (nor anyone else I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour, cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy 😠😠😠

4. Vegetables - never mind faffing about shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them, don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!

5. Roast potatoes - yes, I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same.

6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like - Aldi or Lidl! Oh, and while we're on the subject of pudding, if Birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!

7. Family - Children....feed the little blighters first, separately, and if they only want turkey with tomato sauce, fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed let them bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in peace! Adults... anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/sort the kids out/clear the table/wash up/dry up etc.

And finally....

NO-ONE, and I mean no-one, APART FROM THE COOK, is allowed to get pissed and fall asleep before the washing up is done!

🎄Merry Christmas!🎄

I see old fug face Oliver gets a couple of mentions