Man City 6-3 Man Utd An amazing achievement as Elsie Hahahaland scored his third hat trick in three home games, a PL record. He really is an astonishing striker. In reply United refused to use their astonishing striker, new lad Ronaldo, because he's basically useless. Instead the previously ignored by three managers Antony Martial was wheeled on in the second half and scored a brace (that's two). Meanwhile Phyliss bagged himself a hat trick as well, sadly Jacqui could only watch in awe. Why is three goals a hat trick? Why is two goals a brace? Why are Villa such shysters? No one knows.
Leeds 0-0 Villa Difficult game for me, several Leeds fans at work against The Technician and Big Sis. It's a no-win situation. Luckily both teams were absolutely appalling and a goalless draw was the tedious outcome. I suppose Villa can be considered the worst because Leeds had a cheating shyster sent off in the second half yet failed to capitalise on the situation. Apparently Steven Gerrard is fast becoming disliked by the Villians fanbase and will probably be sacked soon.
OK, it was only Forest who are bloody awful but that was more like it. Old school again, a brace (that's two) from Maddison, plus an assist for Daka who had taken over from Vardy on the hour, Vardy assisting one of Maddie's. Barnes provided the fourth (actually Daka did but point is we scored four). Forest have bought in 20+ new players over the Summer, we bought one. I suspect 20+ new players is a mistake as they cant all gel to make a team, but who gives a monkeys, we got one back on the Flower Pot Men (I don't know where that name came from, Moodyson used it earlier) after they had us in the FA Cup. Next up Bournemouth, Palace, Leeds and Wolves - let the season commence!
Maddie waves all the wrong fingers at the Flower Pot Men fans, but never mind.
These two have never played together in a competition game, it should be a stroll for the Scousers, but things haven't gone well for them so far this season...
Thought so, Rangers are Scottish and so, like the Welsh, not great at football. They like to think they are, that's why we get Cardiff and Swansea (and Newport County) in our English leagues. I suppose in fairness the Scots get to have our Berwick in their leagues, but Rangers and Celtic have longed to join a super league along with the big six English clubs and it would be a disaster for them.
I digress (and was getting borderline racist there), Liverpool were streets ahead tonight, even Mo Salah scored from the penalty spot, and they look to be progressing to the later stages.
Jordon Henderson, still struggling with lockjaw, celebrates the win by attempting to throttle Mo Salah
Little known facts about Elsie: His real name is Erling Braut Håland He was born in Leeds His family were sent back to Norway when he was three His Dad played for Leeds Utd and before that for Forest. The shyster.
Quote: Peter Crouch: "It's getting silly" And it is - Elsie Hoohaaland scored the second and Poop Gladioli rightly took the greedy fecker off at half time, it's just ridiculous. Ex Leicester turncoat shyster Riyad Mahrez provided the third and assisted with the fourth. There was an own goal as well thanks to a plucky Dane who got his nets mixed up. It is worth noting though, despite all this Haaland palaver, City are second in the league with Arsenal on top. How long can this last? A while I hope because it does make things slightly more interesting.
As an aside, nowt to do with our teams but talking of turncoat shysters, Wesley Fofana who jumped ship from Leicester to Chelsea a few weeks ago has had a difficult start with his new club, but scored tonight in their CL match against AC Milan. It finished 3-0 and he must be feeling very chuffed tonight. The bastard.
Jacqui can't hold back his frustration as he shoots straight at the Viking keeper.